Is the Church Judgmental or Are You Just Sensitive?

One of the top reasons disaffiliated Christians and skeptical outsiders give for why they do not go to church is that Christians can come across as judgmental hypocrites. In other words, these non-Christians cannot stand their potential or former fellow churchgoers.

It is difficult to push back against these feelings. They are so personal and can be justified by extremely painful experiences with ministers and members of God’s Church. As a particularly heinous example, some personal family friends of mine were told at the funeral of their infant that their unbaptized daughter was possibly, even likely, in hell. They never set foot in a Catholic Church again.

I have had my own negative experiences at church. I was bullied by an older girl on the playground. I heard partisan politics and occasional sexism preached from the pulpit. Once, our supposedly upstanding pastor was discovered drinking away at a bar – a big Baptist no-no. Everybody knew everybody at my church, and the vast majority of us were either related by marriage or by blood. That did not stop people from flagrantly cheating on their spouses with other church members. It was a heinous time, so much so that a small contingent left to start their own church.

The only thing that made this behavior even remotely tolerable is that we all understood that pastors and our church peers were far from infallible. We were all sinners and needed God’s forgiveness. As Pope Francis says, the Church is a hospital for sinners. Jesus Himself claimed as much, saying He did not come to save sinners, not the so-called righteous.

Jesus and the woman caught in adultery

Because of this, we should not be shocked when Christians slip up. Falls and lapses back into old habits are part of the winding journey to sanctity. We only notice these lapses because — unlike secular folks — Christians are explicitly holding themselves to a higher standard. In fact, the Christian standard is Christ. In other words, perfection. As if that was not enough, Jesus said that we should strive to be perfect like our Father too.

This is an impossible standard to meet without Christ, and that is why Christian apostates and skeptics are pissed off. They do not want to feel judged by anyone, least of all fellow sinners, because being judged makes us feel icky. However, feeling judged can sometimes be a bright indicator of where we are in the wrong. I sure felt judged by my husband when I noticed that he was praying consistently and I was not. In reality, he wasn’t judging me at all. It is I who felt convicted by seeing virtue so plainly laid out in front of me.

I cannot be the only one who reacts poorly to my betters. In fact, I know I am not the only one because we live in a current moment where virtue is outright offensive. We are derisive of sainthood, and are especially disgusted by Christians minding their own business. We are horrified by Christian symbols, tattoos, and art. We don’t watch The Prince of Egypt because there is just “too much Bible” in it. (This is something I overheard very recently).

Thanks to the steady influence of Marxism and its brainchild Critical Theory, we are also disdainful of hierarchy and all things masculine, such as authority and fatherhood. In response to any moral claim or “ought to” statement, whether it is written online or on our hearts by God Himself, we respond like petulant children to their stepfather: “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my real dad!”

Here is the reality. Lying, cheating, coveting, sodomy, fornication, drunkenness, sloth, blasphemy, and murder (whether mental or actual) cry out to heaven for vengeance. Even if you don’t believe in God’s justice, Mother Nature will not forgive these behaviors. Lying, left unchecked, will ruin your life, as will drunkenness, sodomy, and hatred of your fellow man.

If we were more humble – and that’s a huge “if” – we would want other human beings to inform us before we fell into such a bramble trap. As with any mortal danger, it is always easier to avoid falling into sin in the first place than to repent after the fact and turn away from it in the future. This is why Christians are called to gently, kindly rebuke their fellow Christians before they make a shipwreck of their temporal and eternal lives.

There are limits to this of course. Jesus had many harsh words for the virtue-signaling Pharisees, who prayed on street corners and tithed with great fanfare, all while despising the sinners they were tasked to lead towards God. Unfortunately, this Pharisaism can continue in pockets of the Church today. But calling out your sin is not Pharisaism. You might just be sensitive.