My Own Personal 'Screwtape' Letter

My dear Wormwood,

I received your inquiry about the beginning of the abominable season of Lent (may it be damned) and what you can do about it.

It’s quite simple, really. First, make sure your charge continues carrying her cellular on her hip at all times during the forty days. This is of utmost importance, so continually remind her of its presence. I wil…