In a time where we cannot acknowledge that men and women have fundamental differences, there are perpetual laments that women still undertake more hours of unpaid labor than men, even when both parties work full time. The complainants say that men should cook more, clean more, take care of the kids more, and then gender parity will be achieved and women will be free — free of their mental health struggles and
A very interesting reflection. How often does it need to be said that men and women have complementary but different gifts: broadly speaking, that men are made to be providers for their homes and families and women are made to nurture the new lives that flow from the marriage. (I am saying this in shorthand; obviously there are variations on this theme as all marriages are unique - and I am NOT saying women should be chained to the kitchen sink and so on.)
I recall years ago having a conversation with a dear friend. She was a music graduate who played the viola in an amateur quartet of women friends; I was a literature graduate who did a bit of tutoring at home. We were now both full-time mothers, reliant on our husbands to go out to work. She was an Anglican Christian; I was a Catholic Christian. We both felt that creating a happy home for our husbands and children was the primary task we had to fulfil - and that therein we would find our own space, contentment and validity. My friend even mentioned the word 'nest' i.e. seeing her home as building a 'nest'. Such language is abhorrent to our feminist sisters: at best quaint and eccentric, at worst forcing women to forgo their newfound freedoms and return to the Dark Ages. But we two women, wives and mothers, had made a deliberate decision: to put our energy, intellectual and emotional, into family life rather than into careers. We always found lots to talk about. We felt fulfilled - that although our lives were not easy we had made the right choice. I think many women are unhappy because they have made the wrong choices and are only aware of this subconsciously.
Incidentally, I am reading an excellent book at present, about a very small percentage of American women who choose to have large families and to stay at home to bring them up: Hannah's Children by Catherine Ruth Pakaluk. It includes the topic of this essay and much more. I recommend it.
"I think many women are unhappy because they have made the wrong choices and are only aware of this subconsciously."
YES
Also, I've had that book on my to-read list! I think it will pair well with a book that released the same day, Family Unfriendly by Tim Carney (I have a forthcoming review of it coming out in the European Conservative.)
1. Blaming men's lack of home work for women's poor mental health... this reminds me of the baby formula company Bobbie's marketing that subtly blames breastfeeding for mother's poor mental health. Essentially, the message is that if women didn't have to nurse their babies so much, they could have their life back and not be so at risk for PPD. It's insidious and completely misplaced. (I have quite the axe to grind here and could _go off_ on the factors that DO lead to PPD and the factors that lead away from them. Breastfeeding is not the problem.)
2. Discussing with my husband this morning, he suggested that the propensity to anxiety may lead women to hone in on things/tasks to tackle in order to soothe that anxiety, a possible piece of the puzzle of why women take on more at home. Whereas men tend to simplify and can often be easy to please (he referenced the stereotype of the bachelor who's content with just a futon, a table, and an Xbox). Personally, like the other commentor mentioned above, I need my nest to be orderly and beautiful in order to feel at peace in my home.
What kind of change might society enjoy if we were open and honest about women having a tendency toward depression and anxiety, regardless of the work they do? Joining the workforce or having more help at home won't make it all go away.
P.s. I find it strange/hypocritical how "The Left" is so pro-women in the workforce and don't seem to acknowledge how much that plan supports capitalism, which so many on The Left hate. Or, do they realize that getting more people into the workforce means more taxes for the government to put toward social programs, so it all evens out in accomplishing their goals in the first place? I'm stereotyping hard right now, but I can't unseen it.
I think the historic's Left's hatred of capitalism has changed as the liberal order joins hands with crony capitalism to export leftist ideals across the world. Feminists correctly believed, in part, that to have power in society, you had to be where the men were.
However, I think feminists gave up too quickly on the power of the home, especially when babies began to signify the "enemy of female flourishing." In my opinion, paid work careers seem far easier and less all-encompassing than being a mom. Maybe the leftist feminists thought so too.
As you indicate, there is power and power. The first apes the marketplace, traditionally dominated by men. The second makes an inner journey to discern what matters in life and as a woman; when the conclusion comes to 'marriage and family' first, enormous power is unleashed of a different kind, power that includes wisdom about life, sacrifice, faith and relationships. The power of the office strikes me as a very poor and thin trade-off by comparison.
I don't think women have a natural tendency towards depression and anxiety. All the women I know who have chosen to stay at home to raise their children when they are young are not at all depressed (although they re often tired!) Incidentally, the remark 'You are looking very tired' was often made to me by other women when they saw I had a lot of young children. It was a slightly muted way of saying 'You can't be fulfilled and content with so many'.
I think depression and anxiety come with the stress of modern living, trying to compete with men, to have a career rather than a family and ignoring the natural instinct to have children.
Totally agree Brittany. I feel like in marriage, you kind of have to decide who is going to do what and stop the constant negotiation. It makes sense to revisit chores once a year, maybe even twice a year. But every day? Talk about exhausting.
A very interesting reflection. How often does it need to be said that men and women have complementary but different gifts: broadly speaking, that men are made to be providers for their homes and families and women are made to nurture the new lives that flow from the marriage. (I am saying this in shorthand; obviously there are variations on this theme as all marriages are unique - and I am NOT saying women should be chained to the kitchen sink and so on.)
I recall years ago having a conversation with a dear friend. She was a music graduate who played the viola in an amateur quartet of women friends; I was a literature graduate who did a bit of tutoring at home. We were now both full-time mothers, reliant on our husbands to go out to work. She was an Anglican Christian; I was a Catholic Christian. We both felt that creating a happy home for our husbands and children was the primary task we had to fulfil - and that therein we would find our own space, contentment and validity. My friend even mentioned the word 'nest' i.e. seeing her home as building a 'nest'. Such language is abhorrent to our feminist sisters: at best quaint and eccentric, at worst forcing women to forgo their newfound freedoms and return to the Dark Ages. But we two women, wives and mothers, had made a deliberate decision: to put our energy, intellectual and emotional, into family life rather than into careers. We always found lots to talk about. We felt fulfilled - that although our lives were not easy we had made the right choice. I think many women are unhappy because they have made the wrong choices and are only aware of this subconsciously.
Incidentally, I am reading an excellent book at present, about a very small percentage of American women who choose to have large families and to stay at home to bring them up: Hannah's Children by Catherine Ruth Pakaluk. It includes the topic of this essay and much more. I recommend it.
"I think many women are unhappy because they have made the wrong choices and are only aware of this subconsciously."
YES
Also, I've had that book on my to-read list! I think it will pair well with a book that released the same day, Family Unfriendly by Tim Carney (I have a forthcoming review of it coming out in the European Conservative.)
I quit Dentistry to stay at home and caused a major ruckus in my family. But now they acknowledge my wisdom.
We are equal in dignity but NOT the same.
1. Blaming men's lack of home work for women's poor mental health... this reminds me of the baby formula company Bobbie's marketing that subtly blames breastfeeding for mother's poor mental health. Essentially, the message is that if women didn't have to nurse their babies so much, they could have their life back and not be so at risk for PPD. It's insidious and completely misplaced. (I have quite the axe to grind here and could _go off_ on the factors that DO lead to PPD and the factors that lead away from them. Breastfeeding is not the problem.)
2. Discussing with my husband this morning, he suggested that the propensity to anxiety may lead women to hone in on things/tasks to tackle in order to soothe that anxiety, a possible piece of the puzzle of why women take on more at home. Whereas men tend to simplify and can often be easy to please (he referenced the stereotype of the bachelor who's content with just a futon, a table, and an Xbox). Personally, like the other commentor mentioned above, I need my nest to be orderly and beautiful in order to feel at peace in my home.
What kind of change might society enjoy if we were open and honest about women having a tendency toward depression and anxiety, regardless of the work they do? Joining the workforce or having more help at home won't make it all go away.
P.s. I find it strange/hypocritical how "The Left" is so pro-women in the workforce and don't seem to acknowledge how much that plan supports capitalism, which so many on The Left hate. Or, do they realize that getting more people into the workforce means more taxes for the government to put toward social programs, so it all evens out in accomplishing their goals in the first place? I'm stereotyping hard right now, but I can't unseen it.
I think the historic's Left's hatred of capitalism has changed as the liberal order joins hands with crony capitalism to export leftist ideals across the world. Feminists correctly believed, in part, that to have power in society, you had to be where the men were.
However, I think feminists gave up too quickly on the power of the home, especially when babies began to signify the "enemy of female flourishing." In my opinion, paid work careers seem far easier and less all-encompassing than being a mom. Maybe the leftist feminists thought so too.
As you indicate, there is power and power. The first apes the marketplace, traditionally dominated by men. The second makes an inner journey to discern what matters in life and as a woman; when the conclusion comes to 'marriage and family' first, enormous power is unleashed of a different kind, power that includes wisdom about life, sacrifice, faith and relationships. The power of the office strikes me as a very poor and thin trade-off by comparison.
I don't think women have a natural tendency towards depression and anxiety. All the women I know who have chosen to stay at home to raise their children when they are young are not at all depressed (although they re often tired!) Incidentally, the remark 'You are looking very tired' was often made to me by other women when they saw I had a lot of young children. It was a slightly muted way of saying 'You can't be fulfilled and content with so many'.
I think depression and anxiety come with the stress of modern living, trying to compete with men, to have a career rather than a family and ignoring the natural instinct to have children.
Totally agree Brittany. I feel like in marriage, you kind of have to decide who is going to do what and stop the constant negotiation. It makes sense to revisit chores once a year, maybe even twice a year. But every day? Talk about exhausting.